Planet Police

I’d like to welocme lots of new visitors this week. Occasionally someone posts a link to one of my blog entries & I get loads of visitors as a result. Well this week I’ve got two lots of new visitors.

Welcome to all the folk from ‘pepipoo.com‘ who have come over to read my entry on the chap who lost his appeal against a speeding ticket. Pepipoo is, as far as I can make out, a site where you can get loads of advice to get out of a speeding ticket. Unfortunately, the discussion of my entry on their site is blocked unless you are part of their paying members, so I’ve no idea what they’re saying. Doubtless, lots of stuff about how wrong it was that the learned professor lost his case & had to pay costs.

Welcome also to all the folks from the ‘psychForums‘ who have linked in to my story about the rapist freed from Broadmoor despite still being a grave threat to women. It seems the psychs think that the quoted phsychiatrist has got her diagnostic criteria muddled up. Personally, I haven’t a clue, but welcome all the same!

HMIC have announced that Sergeants are not doing their job properly! Too much time is being spent on auditing and checking and not enough time supervising.

Well hello, this is not exactly a startling discovery. Lets face it, Pc's are spending far too much time doing paperwork, so in the bureaucratic Police Service, it's inevitable that the Ps's are going to have to 'check' all that paperwork.
My poor skipper, has to not only check all files that are complete, but also has to regularly check my ongoing investigations and add 'helpful' comments in the log, to prove that he has done so.

Now, in every walk of life, you get good and bad. A good skipper, will do the minimum of paperwork and get out on the street and supervise his/her troops. A bad skipper, will be tied to their desk and never see the light of day. Unfortunately, we seem to be promoting a lot more of the latter.

In my humble opinion, the Sergeants job, is probably the hardest in the whole service. They get sh1t from both ends and nowadays, have very little authority. I am aware of Sgt's trying to discipline Pc's, but getting no backing from those higher up the chain of command.

The fact of the matter is that there is no discipline anymore. When I joined in the 80's, there was two Sgt's and an Inspector on every shift. Nowadays, there is just one sergeant, (who is normally just acting up) and one inspector to cover the whole division. In reality, it means Pc's get no supervision. Most of the time we don't need any, however, there are always some who will take the pi55 out of the system.

I would love to go back to the old days of a disciplined service, but it isn't going to happen. Not unless, Chief Constables start to promote a lot more of the right sort of people!

The Police Station Representatives and The Criminal Bar are mortified. Letter have been sent to editors, complaints have been made to governors, maybe there will be questions in the house. What has got them so very fired up? It’s a TV program, a piece of court procedural drama written by, wait for it, wait for [...]

In this guide Sergeant Twining produces Circular TC004 - The Official ACPO guidance on how to be a Chief Officer and stand up to Ethnic officer's.....This is certainly not a personal go at any of my Chief Officer's. This guide is produced as the common experience of ethnic officer's....It is, ...

Ruralshire Police Officers are being asked to start arresting “violent crime” offenders for the offence ABOVE that which they believe has been committed. This means that if we think we are faced with an Actual Bodily Harm offence, we arrest for Grievous Bodily Harm. The Charge can always be dropped to ABH later. It’s the arrest [...]

While we’re on the subject of footballers:

Second recipient of the 200weeks Doh! Award for Hindsight goes to ex Arsenal footballer, Michael Thomas, who was a passenger in a vehicle being stop-checked by police in London last week.

When asked who he was, for some inexplicable reason he chose to give a false name. Unfortunately for him, the details he gave was of someone who was wanted by police for burglary. Thomas was duly arrested & taken to Chingford police station where he had to explain that he had given false details & wasn’t, in fact, the man wanted for burglary.

A police source claims he is now considering making an official complaint, doubtless it won’t be a yellow card or even a red card which Thomas is issuing to East London police, it will be, yes, I set them up & you knock them down, the race card.

He might want to consider not playing the ‘arse’ card next time he’s stopped.

Looking again at the results of a recent FOI request on PCSOs, it's fair to say that there are a massive number of ex PCSOs who are now PCs. There's also probably massive numbers of PCSOs who are currently in the process, or are about to enter in to the recruitment process for PC. This has knock on effects that cannot be overlooked.

The role was meant to offer the public a recognisable face of the local police. Someone who could be a point of contact to give intelligence to, offer crime prevention advice and so on. Basically to be the old fashioned bobby on the beat, someone who's name you knew and who new you, where you lived and any of your ongoing problems.

Here at the base we currently have about half of our PCSOs in the process of becoming PCs, most at different levels. We recently found out a couple more had passed the assessment centre and would be leaving us to start their training before the end of the year. We've lost so many of our PCSOs it's ridicules. The number of times I've had to go in to a local community centre and take down a "these are your local officers" poster and replace it with a new one, with an old face taken down and a new one in it's place, is just laughable.

How on earth the public is getting a recognisable face, someone friendly and approachable, who has the time and local knowledge to lower crime, is beyond me. We only have a small handful of PCSOs who have anything more than two years service. They all end up getting moved around to cover the gaps and neglect their own areas with no consistency.

Another problem is that we are running out of trainer/tutor PCSOs, most of them have left to become PCs. This then creates a new problem. Who trains the new PCSOs? I couldn't believe this myself but, they are now asking PCSOs who haven't even completed their initial one year probation to go on a tutors course, and then come back to train new PCSOs. This, I'm sure you'd agree, is not good.

This does have positives though, depending on how you look at it. Potentially many of the new Police Constables will have spent at least a year as a PCSO. Already spent two/three months training. Learned how to talk to people, how to to act within this somewhat disciplined service. They will know what the jobs about so are less likely to get disheartened as it "wasn't what they were expecting" and leave. They will already have completed many of the computer systems training sessions, first aid courses, basic driving courses and have permits to drive police vehicles. There will be some savings there.

The only people who seem to stick at this job are the over 40's, they seem to settle in well, enjoy the job and do it bloody well. They don't seem to want to leave and go down the PC route either. Unfortunately we seem to be getting lots of under 20's, most of which are quite open that this is a stepping stone to PC, as soon as they get 'in', they're off.

A while back I directed readers to the Piemen Polis website to see their newest recruit.

Well it appears he hasn't gone down too well in some corners, ken, all because he's donned his bunnet.

Apparently puppies aren't allowed to be cute any more and TayPol stand accused of being ham fisted with this dog's dinner of a plug for their spanking new call centre and making a pig's ear of it.

What a load of PC poop, or as my ickle bruvver put it, "barking mad" (due apologies to a' yon feel folk - ed.)

Listening to: Donny & Marie Osmond - Puppy Love
via FoxyTunes

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Following on from the dreadful examples of public figures (Naomi Campbell & Amy Shitehouse) who don’t have the good grace to act like decent human beings, another one hits the headlines today. 

Millionaire footballer, Joey Barton, was sentenced to 4 months imprisonment (suspended for two years) for a serious assault on a fellow Manchester City team member Ousmane Dabo. The incident happened during a training session & involved the violent thug beating Dabo unconscious. Their Manchester City team-mate Georgios Samaras said he had never seen such a violent incident on a football pitch in all his career, stating he would "never forget it".

If someone can do that to a work colleague & team-mate, what sort of violence is he capable of on a complete stranger?

Funny you should ask that, take a look at this video:

That is CCTV footage of the same Joey Barton knocking seven bells out of a member of the public after a drunken night out in December, for which he is currently serving a six month prison sentence. (he was produced from prison for today’s sentencing)

Barton is currently under contract to Newcastle United who have said they want ‘talks’ with Barton at their earliest convenience.

Barton evinces all that is wrong with British society at the moment. It’s time that people realised that those who are catapulted into the highest earners in the country by dint of trousering millions of pounds of ordinary people’s cash have a duty to behave like the roll models people hold them up as. I just hope Newcastle have the moral guts to do the right thing. Barton isn’t worthy of carrying on the sponge at half time.

It's clearly not for everyone, but nevertheless has its attractions.

*Mops = Members of the Public
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'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in all good bookstores and online.

These guidelines are suggested for important people wishing to communicate, via email, any extraordinary event, like the fact that Mr Ghaffur is taking the Met and Sir Ian to tribunal. These are Twining's guideline "Dont's" for communicating very important information via email. The "Dont's" of email sending (1) Don't send ...

So, there is a shortage of handcuffs.

I can't see that myself. Well, if forces are struggling to kit out new recruits, they just need to re-distribute old stock. Let's face it, there must be thousands of pairs of handcuffs, languishing in lockers up and down the country, that belong to the 9-5 squad members. I suspect, most will need refurbishing, because they are probably jammed solid through lack of use.

Dr Iain Fielden must win the 200weeks Doh! Award for Hindsight this month after appealing against a speeding conviction when his wife was fined £60 & given 3 points for doing 36mph in a 30 limit.

Dr Fielden, who is apparently a university physicist, tried to use his knowledge to beat the conviction by hiring ‘experts’ (for £5,000) to challenge Gatso evidence. He lost the appeal & must now pay out £15,000 costs.

£20,060 down & in a great example of understatement he is quoted as saying, "In hindsight, we wouldn’t do this again."

I was given a timely reminder last week by the Director of our Diversity and Citizen Focus Directorate that June was indeed the first Gypsy Roma Traveller History month.
I was informed it was a time to celebrate their history,culture,and their addition to the rich tapestry of Britain's diversity.This declaration further extolled that 'through such celebrations and events we can all develop a better understanding of different communities which enables us to improve our service across London'

There is even a website http://www.grthm.co.uk

The METS Diversity and Citizen Focus Directorate is a shaker and mover in our new vision for London so I shall say no more...

Just in case anyone was wondering, I am still alive, working and just too darn preoccupied with other matters at home to manage enough time to post anything meaningful.

Meanwhile, here's some eye candy and aural bliss.



© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Has a man described as "a grave risk to women" been wrongly released from an experimental treatment programme for sexual offenders to prove that the scheme is working? 

This is what people may be asking when they learn that Lee Porritt, 33, who said of himself "…I still have fantasies about raping women. I had them in Broadmoor and they’ve not been addressed."

Porritt was jailed in 2000 for battering & raping a student in a car park. He was later sectioned & moved to a top security hospital. Two weeks ago he was freed after a mental health tribunal ruled he was well enough to be released into society.

There are two sides to every story, & I only have the Sun’s version to go on (OK, dodgy ground, I appreciate), but the decision to free him seems rather odd given the report made by the psychiatrist in charge of the case at Broadmoor.

Dr Celia Taylor’s report stated, "Mr Porritt fulfils diagnostic criteria for substance dependence, for antisocial, borderline & avoidant personality disorders and for sexual sadism. These disorders are severe and long-standing and have changed Mr Porritt’s capacity to form and maintain relationships, to cope with difficult emotions, to develop a stable sense of identity & to live up to responsibilities. More importantly they have led to him presenting a grave risk to women." She concludes, "It is my recommendation this detention should continue in light of this disorder." The report is signed off by another psychiatrist who agreed with the recommendations.

I conclude that the panel considering Porritt’s release do not have English as their first language; clearly hey have submitted the text of the report to an online translator in China which has come back with "This man has been cured of all his disorders & no longer represents a risk to females. He should be released forthwith."

It surely can’t be within the realms of likelihood that by releasing a man from a scheme which costs up to £250,000 per patient per year the authorities could show that their investment in treatment was working, no matter how dangerous the risk?

 STOP PRESS 

Having written the above it appears that police have detained him & sent him back to Broadmoor. Hurrah!

'Village bobby' (he's actually a PCSO but for once that's a mere detail) Nick Barker has spent the last who-knows-how-long pootling round the Kent countryside on a bike, doing all the usual village bobby things.
Now he's been stopped, on health-and-safety grounds.
The problem is, he hasn't passed Kent Police's 'two-day Basic Police Cycle Skills course'.
Until he can pass this course, he's having to travel around the villages he looks after by bus and on foot.
A Kent spokeswoman said: "All officers must complete a bicycle training course before they can ride a bike on duty, it is about ensuring their safety and the safety of those around them. The purpose of the course is to ensure they have all the relevant skills and knowledge to make the best use of the bike within their roles."
Dear God in Heaven, how have we come to this?
'All the relevant skills and knowledge' to ride a bike? That would be getting on, pedalling and getting off, then. Two day course, £200 a day for the trainer. It's nice work if you can get it.
It's not fair to blame Kent Police. All major publicly-funded organisations are led by unimaginative and cowardly timeservers who have forgotten what real life is like.
No, the blame lies on the shoulders of the lawyers, hovering overhead and waiting for Nick Barker to fall off his bike.
What next? Barker goes on the course - and still falls off. Sue the trainers? The bicycle manufacturers? The highways people? Who cares? Sue anyone, as long as you sue someone.
And who foots the bill for these leeches? You.

It's disconcerting when Officers above the rank of Inspector go out and about on the streets. It's strange enough when Inspectors go out.
Of course, when senior officers to go out for one of their annual walk abouts on the street, things are never as they seem.

Just as the Queen is said to believe the world smells of fresh paint, the same kind of thing applies for our senior officers. Whenever they turn up to parade, we have by some miracle scratched together enough officers in the parade room to make it look as though we are acheiving minumum numbers on the streets. Even if that means taking officers off other, already over stretched teams.

They then usually commandeer the area car, and float about taking no calls and dealing with nothing they come across.

Inspectors are stuck in the middle of this - there are more and less proactive Inspectors. We recently had one covering as duty officer, who not only turned up to parade, but booked out a car and actually went out; and took calls! This in itself is unusual, but not unheard of. Our regular Inspector very occasionally takes calles, but on arrival will call a PC down to the scene to do the paperwork/take the crime report/make the arrest/do the accident book.

This substitute Inspector even dealt with the calls though - one day he even brought an arrest in. I've only ever seen an Inspector produce a prisoner to custody once before, so it got the team talking.

In fact, we've had him a few times recently, and ended up being a bit spoilt. Much as we like our current Guvnor, having a boss that goes and gets his hands dirty occasionally is very invigorating for the troops.
I have even seen the odd glimpse of morale on team.


One of our area car drivers is running bets on how long it will take before something comes along to help destroy this.

As the old saying goes "Are the men happy Sergeant?"
"Yes sir"
"Then stop their mail and cancel their leave."

It’s so wonderful that I thought it deserved a little post all of it’s own.

Bedfordshire Police have finally got their website back online, three cheers all round. It’s only been a couple of weeks since a teenage hacker replaced everything will Arab text and 1980s-style computer graphics. I bet there have been lots of meetings which mentioned words like ‘resilience’ in the last fortnight.

Is there a sweepstake on how long it will take to hack the site again?

It was announced today, following a lengthy investigation, that the real culprits for all the missing & lost government data have finally been identified.

A report released by the Home Office concludes that there was no fault with any staff from HM Customs & Revenue & that all other departments & individuals have been exonerated.

Harvey Bolox, spokesperson for the Ministry of Wool Pulling, said, "I can announce that following a long, lengthy and thorough enquiry ,there have been no systemic failures in security protocols by any government department. Nobody has done anything wrong."

The investigation into several cases of missing CDs, data records, military secrets, Al Qaeda intelligence & government laptops coincided with the release of hitherto classified information on UFO sightings throughout the last 50 years.

Norman Beardy-Bloke, chairperson of Unidentified Flying Objects - Twickenham Investigation Team, said, "We have been banging on about the release of this information for bloody ages & now it looks as if we have been right all along. All those nights laying in fields & staring at the skies have not been in vain. It’s only with pressure from groups such as UFO-TIT that evidence of visitors from other planets has finally entered the public consciousness."

The literally thousands of records provide shocking details of ‘close encounters’ with extra-terrestrials in the UK throughout modern history.

One report stamped "Top Secret - to be read on public buses only" dated 2008, quotes an un-named civil servant, "…There we were in the office shredding parliamentary expense claim forms when all of a sudden the lights dimmed & all the computers stopped working. We were then bathed in a bright, aetherial ray of light from up on high & everything went calm & quiet. When I woke up some 2 hours later all my top secret CDs were missing & someone had implanted a microscopic electronic chip in my arse."

In another report to the Ministry of Defence UFO Investigations Branch one Lt-Colonel Harry Knobber writes "Sirs, on the evening in question I was travelling by public transport to a top secret meeting when, out of the left-hand window of our carriage I saw 12 orangey-glowing orbs circling our train. My fellow travelling companions & I, as one, had a compelling urge to build scale models of Ben Nevis with  our British Rail sausages & mash & when I looked around my anti-terror portfolio had vanished."

A Home Office spokeswoman said that the fact that the UFO documents have been released into the public domain at the same time that people were calling for scapegoats for the missing data debacle(s) was "purely coincidental".

Nothing to do with policing, government cock-ups or videos today. I feel like a day off.

I went to a sporting event this week. It was a last minute thing, I hadn’t planned to go but someone I know got a couple of tickets from his boss & invited me along. There was quite a queue of traffic getting in to the event, even though it was a weekday. What didn’t happen was people didn’t drive up the outside & force their way in, they didn’t sound their horns when the person in front took a nano-second longer than necessary to catch up with the car ahead.

Everyone queued up at the gate, handed in their tickets & made their way inside to see a handful of exceedingly rich sportsmen do their stuff. There were people of all ages & groups, all with a common interest. Many had cameras, some had flags, some had deckchairs & picnic hampers & others had no interest whatsoever in the events, they just read a book or listened to an iPod.

I didn’t hear any shouting, wearing, rudeness or bickering. I didn’t see anyone getting on anyone else’s wick. There were stalls selling beer & other alcoholic beverages yet I didn’t see a single punch thrown, I never almost slipped in a pool of vomit & I didn’t see anyone pissing up the front of someone else’s door.

When the day came to a close, everyone made their way back to the car park, I overheard conversations of all natures, some related to what we’d been watching, others not.  We got back to the car, joined the queue to leave & after a while, hit the motorway home.

It wasn’t until the next day when I was getting ready for work that I realised that hadn’t seen a single police officer the day before, either inside the event or out, nor had I thought about work.

Sometimes you wish all days were like that.

Whilst visiting The Policeman's Blog I found this little post from Mr C. called 'What's the course called?' What is it in certain senior officers’ brains that stops them taking advice from a Constable? Now a PC for over twelve years, I’ve been on many courses – gladly, most to do with ...

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'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in all good bookstores and online.

It's my birthday!

Well, ok, it's actually not. I've just been blogging for a year, but seeing as I am pretty unlikely to ever post my real birth date on this site, it'll have to do.


Cakes to the usual address.